Hide and seek...
The water is as cold as ice, but I don’t care I am with my friend making a huge sand castle and I like that.
Other adults, in colourful swimsuits, are chatting though I do not understand their gossip.
A couple of people came down. They must not see what they are looking for, they look desperate, then leave in about 30 seconds.
The smell of the river is refreshing, and the wind is just right; A nice warm breeze not too cold.
My friend’s dad comes over, saying they have to go.
Then someone comes running down the hill, They are is such a rush OH NO, it's dad I go up and hide in the bush. The bush is bright green like a highlighter, the wonderful smell floats up my nose, like a powerful perfume. Dad goes back just in time the bush is starting to scratch me like a cat clawing at a mouse.
I run up the hill and run back to the tent as fast as a bird that has a jet pack!
But dad caught me making my escape I mean I am only three, I’m not too fast.
“Alright you little… COME HERE!” Dad yells.
Now I have to take in the shouting from dad.
He has become his thunderous side again, and wants me to go straight home, though I can’t. When the horrible shouting noise stops mum comes calmly over and says, the whole of tui was looking for me… By Bridget
Hi Bridget I like your story. Maybe next time you could add more about the five senses.
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used personification to make your story come alive! You used really good describing words and I felt like I was right there smack bang in the middle of your story!
Next time, work on where you could put an extra full stop in.
Bronah ~ Grey Main School
Kia Ora Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI like how you used adjectives and I like how you used the correct punctuation. Next time you should use more adverbs. -Kate D (Grey Main)